over winter break (a long, drawn-out hazy month), i of course went to see all my friends in Philadelphia. it was amusing that the one consistent comment i got, after not seeing my closest friends for 5 months was, wow, you look great!

to which i naturally reply, what, i looked like hell before?

i guess St*rbucks took more of a toll on me than i realized.

some friends were the same, some had changed. but in some cases, i don’t think for better.

in the approximately three years that i have known J, we have more often not been friends. that is, we have spent a good percentage of those three years involved in ridiculous, infantile, “i’m not talking to you!” kind of fights. it is stupid. i am done.

and then, this morning, i wander onto myspace (a site that i used to be mildly addicted to but is rapidly losing its charms), and i find she has deleted me as a friend. again. this is what she does when she’s mad at me. she’s done it before. as if we are two 14 year olds, not 27 and 33, respectively.

i have accepted that she is just a person who loses her shit when she’s in a relationship with a man. i’ve seen it happen before, at least three other times. she finds someone, and convinced this is “it”, she is gone. completely AWOL.

i didn’t recognize her when i went to Philly in January. every so often i glimpsed her old self, but mostly i was distracted by this guy who had quickly moved into her apartment and her life. i’m sure he’s a nice enough person, but it seems that because of him, the person i loved has left, or at least taken a vacation. and that sucks.